sunkissed (:

2010-11-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

*blows dust off*

i haven't been here since august. and many many things have happened since then.. birthday parties, farewells (and three of them at least!), meeting up with old friends, meeting up with not-so-old friends, got my driving license, school projects and assignments, and probably more other stuff which i can't remember right now.

but anyway, one of the more significant events is my driving license! haha, i'm officially a road hazard now. (: i passed on the second try actually, the first try i had 32 points! (struck the kerb when coming out of the vertical parking lot and had three abrupt lane changes. that was already 22 points.) the second try, i had.. *drumroll*.. 6 points!! (: vroom vroom vroom!!

another significant event (or should i say, events) were the farewells. deb from cj, sars from church and drea from tk left to study in other countries! deb went to northern ireland to study medicine, sars went to york to study psych and drea went to york (too!) to study bio and english. life is rather strange without these people around.. haven't spent much time with deb since school ended, but i met sars every week for catechism and drea every one/two months for gua outing. hope they're doing well wherever they are! (:

of course, there's school. it finally dawned on me why they had such a stringent selection for fst.. because it really is mega content heavy (even my non science friends said that) and we can't just throw away what we've learnt because they're applicable when we're working! ): at least its interesting. whoever knew there were so many methods of processing meat.. (11 to be exact!) and oh, the LABS!! three lab modules this sem - one for bio, one for chem and one for food science. the food science experiments are the best! (: it involves some cooking skills too, like the first lab we had to peel lemon and juice it, the third lab we had to cut and peel apples.. and it always involves food!! :D (though the latest one involved rotten meat which smelt horrible.)

alright. school's ending in one more week and then there's one week of study break, before the exams! there's just way too much to do in way too little time. looking forward to having submitted all my assignments though!

till the next time i write here to let all of us realize how much time has passed, toodle toos!

PS. GOOD LUCK FOR EXAMS TO ANYONE WHO HAS THEM, ESPECIALLY A LEVELS, ESPECIALLY ALVINA TAN. :D

2010-08-04T02:30:00.001-07:00

heh its been more than a month since i last posted! whoops. anyway since my last post i have not had fazli as my driving instructor..

driving test on 30aug! in the morning. luckily, doesn't clash with school timetable (i hope). better cross my fingers toes and everything else that i get a nice instructor, don't get into an accident, remember to check blindspots, signal, mirror, everything else that i don't always remember to do. :D if i pass, that's one thing over and done with!!

passed my qet! am still very excited and hyped about that. had to take the qualifying english test because i didn't do very well for gp during the a levels. but i passed the test! so heheh, don't have to bid for that english module in uni. thank goodness. but i didn't pass my exemption tests though, so no exemption.. haha. oh well. passing my english test is more than i could ask for!

school starts again in 6 days. and i'm not really looking forward to it. as i made my trip back from nus today (just do throw two dumb forms into two dumb separate boxes) i realized why i wasn't looking forward to it. (at the start of the year i couldn't wait for july to come.) i guess 'cos i've come to enjoy bumming around especially in july since i stopped work.. sleeping in till about 9 most days, no need to study, wake up earlier for driving about twice a week, give tuition on two to three nights of the week.. the prospect of change makes me shiver and there's no motivation to get out of this nice lovely bumhole i'm in now. the module bidding and all not helping me to be excited about school.

guess i would just have to get up and moving and make the best out of these three/four years! am doing food science and technology (: hopefully all will be fine! the interest i have in eating should sustain me.. and help me to make friends. am all aloney baloney in this course ):

yay. chompchompchomp.

big question that i've been thinking about in the runup to school:
will my eating habits change after i start studying about all the food that surrounds me?

i sincerely hope not. :)

2010-06-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

YAY FAZLI IS MY DRIVING INSTRUCTOR TOMORROW!! :D

haha. i've been having a mix of instructors lately (not that its bad, but i just miss having the steady 2 people fazli and khai). so yes i can't wait for driving tomorrow! shall show fazli my new found up-and-down-slope skills. :)

on another note i just downloaded a few nights ago the ipod OS 4 and so now i can play all my games! :D taptap 3, here i come!!

should go and sleep now and get ready to vroom on the roads tomorrow! watch out singapore, the most dangerous driver is going to be out there!

2010-04-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

i had my first driving practical lesson today! and was it exciting. XD haha. i'm laughing at myself even as i type this.. and to share some funny moments.

instructor: *1001th time* you can't let go too much of the clutch if not the car will jerk!
me: *lets go way too much* whoops!!
instructor: *on crazy jerking car* yay i'm riding a horse!

instructor: lift up the clutch! lift up the clutch!
me: okay, okay *tries to lift up a bit faster* *lifts up too much* *car stalls.*
me: whoops.
instructor: sigh.

instructor: filter to the left lane.
me: okay. *switches lane without checking mirrors and while turning round a bend*
instructor: *after i finish switching lane* are you supposed to switch lane while you turn?
me: uh.. no..?
instructor: okay good i'm glad you know you just contradicted yourself!

heh. i can't wait for my next lesson on monday. hope i stop stalling the car especially when i change gear. D:

2010-04-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

time's passing so slowly yet quickly.. it seems like its really near june already, 'cos there have been so many activities, but its actually only april! :) changed to a steady admin job, am giving tuition, looking forward to a holiday soon..

meanwhile, during easter (the sunday that just passed), my grandma got baptised. one of the biggest days in her life and i'm glad she had a good time. :) on another note, tomorrow she'll be moving some of her stuff to her new place. initially she wanted to move the shelf next to my table.. and my mom agreed 'cos at that time she hadn't yet seen the condition of the shelf. so grudgingly i agreed to get my stuff out of the way. i can't believe how stubborn she was about getting the shelf even after i showed her all the parts where the wood was coming out.

so my mom called her to ask what she wanted to bring, from the stuff she had in the shelf. and after my mom said the shelf was actually in quite bad condition.. my grandma said that it was alright then and she could just get a new shelf.

which was what i was trying to tell her to do since she even mentioned she wanted the shelf.

but oh wells. i moved all my stuff back where it came from and at least, there's a little less dust. :)

2010-03-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

wahlau.
you ask me what time i gotta be there, so i said 1145am, then maybe i'll be dropping by church before that, then you come and ask me how come i don't need to work, so i say that going in and out and in and out is very troublesome, and then you snap at me for saying that going in and out thing and you say that you were just concerned about my schedule and you had asked me if i had to work after btt, and i went on saying all that in/out stuff.

if you don't use your ears, i'm not gonna be able to be nice and patient with you because you're not even trying. if you would even put some effort into reading that dumb timetable i put up on your board for you, you would already know a lot of things. its not like i take away that schedule from your board. its like there, 24/7 for you to read. if you choose not to read it, i'm sorry i can't do anything to teleport my schedule into your mind. i could very well take it away now and throw it away and you really won't know anything about what i'm doing everyday.

you know how much i wish to bum, for a bit? at least when i was doing the morning job, i could have my afternoons off with my friends. with this afternoon one now, the job's not so bad, but i don't get to go out with my friends anymore. who wants to watch a movie at 9am in the morning? and all my evenings are being taken up by tuition slots and there was only one pathetic slot left this week for evening mass. one miserable slot. and you actually rubbed it in (even though it was unintentional, i choose to believe) that you'd rather i was busy than bumming.

well if you yourself would rather be busy than face up to what you're really feeling and you'd want your entire family to be like that too then i'm sorry but i can't be like that. alright? i've had 18 years of keeping everything inside instead of ever voicing my opinions and views or facing my emotions and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of it always taking its toll on the people around me, especially those who have done me no wrong. i'm sick of feeling so angsty and unhappy all the time. if you don't feel that way i applaud you for being a superhuman.

besides, what my friend said last night was really true. which other time of your life would you get to bum like this?

2010-03-10T22:04:00.000-08:00

life's been okay, with its little blessings in between. but there is this one thing i've really gotta rant about and its been bugging me ever since tuesday.

i don't understand, is being self-centred a thing that just comes with you? is it something you've always been taught, to look out for your feelings and to achieve your goals at the cost of everyone else's? to always assume that everyone's out to get you and that you've gotta defend yourself at the cost of everyone else?

is it really that difficult to take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture? the consequences of your action on others instead of only yourself and her? to look at the effects of your decision on the rest of your family?

i just really want you to know that you should just think before you speak, think before you do anything, try and look at the big picture, realize the domino effects of your actions on our own actions before you do anything, and at least weigh the pros and cons of your decision before you make it.

i just hope the one pro i can come up with for your decision this time can help you realize that life's not as cheery and easy as you think it is. the world is not out to get you but the world does have difficulties in their own way. i hate to say this but just stop being a pessimist and start thinking good things about other people and events that happen. just try to stop being narrowminded. i can tell when you even just try.

2010-02-28T04:49:00.000-08:00

gosh i am very irritated and pissed off now. what kind of attitude is this?! you're not the prince of the house even though you may feel like it. it doesn't mean you're sick (or you FEEL sick) that you can turn up your nose at food that tastes bland. just eat it! would you rather have no food at all? you don't have the license to vent your anger on the stuff around just 'cos the food doesn't taste good. i'm not defending her, that her cooking is good, but just give her some basic respect please! gahh i don't care if you read this really because i think this is something you need to be aware of and you need to change. get rid of your sick-boy-got-so-many-things-to-do attitude because you're not the only one.

and when i was applying for temp jobs at hpb the form's got so many things to fill in!! gahh. even previous employment and i'm supposed to have three jobs to fill in. all for a temporary admin job. i ended up filling in the names of the schools i've been to, 'cos after all i did serve there. (:

quite exhausted from the week and got a long week coming up ahead too. gotta go get my beauty sleep soon (: but wait, gotta finish up admin first! hahaha. the bad thing about being busy is that you get tired after a few weeks of it.. but the good thing is that you get the most out of your days. if you prioritize your time well enough. (:

meowmeow!

2010-02-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

there's a wake at the void deck below my house and its been there for a week.. heard that's today's the last day. anyway the point is that they've been here for really long in comparison to the other wakes held downstairs..

everyday as i walk past the wake i hear lots of talking and i see lots of people. they even had an extension into the carpark. i always think the lady who died must be a real matriach (female version of patriach) with 8 children and so many people gathering to see her off. i wonder if i could be a good matriach in my very own way too, reaching out to the people around me and (hopefully) inspiring them.

when i came home just now, the music started playing. and contrary to what i expected, the dead gloomy funeral songs, it was happy-happy-joy-joy chinese music. i opened my window wide to enjoy the music and it felt like a live band was playing right outside my door. (yes, that's how loud it is.) it made me wonder what kind of wake and funeral i'd like to have, what readings i'd like at my funeral mass, what i'd like my friends to wear..

so i'd just like to say here, that when i die, please wear green to my wake and funeral. (:

2010-02-11T06:59:00.000-08:00

okay, so my camp is over.. its name is actually 'school of witness'. so yes, for six weeks i went to school.. just that i learnt different stuff from what we usually learn. this school taught me loads about my religion and the people around me..

i guess words wouldn't be able to describe all that i'm feeling right now. in the six weeks i spent at the cayc compound i learnt about myself, why i behave the way i do, about the church's stand on several issues, about a church community.. made quite a few friends, some really good ones, and had a lot of surreal experiences. was able to form some theories about my own behaviour.. and am renewed with a zest to learn even more about my faith! hur, amazing right! i'm just in this study-study mode all of a sudden :D

i would miss a lot of things that occured in this school. listening to others HTHT around me whilst playing on my ipod.. bursting into song randomly and suddenly having others join in.. captain's ball and frisbee at the end of the day.. the really good food.. the community there.. the continual presence of the friends.. and i'll miss hanging out with the staff too. their true selves (when they're not in their staff-y mode) is quite funny. XD

its been an interesting journey, finding out so much that i never knew before. for the entire christmas season i felt quite "off", in the sense i didn't feel much joy, it was just like any holiday period. hanging out with friends, doing some last minute shopping, making cards.. it was for a fleeting moment right before the christmas mass that i felt christmas-y. and i guess at that moment i got reminded of why i even want to be a catholic in the first place - i liked the holy-holy feeling one usually gets after a particularly enriching camp. going for sch of witness has given me tips to keep this holy-holy feeling going in my life, and i'm going to make a conscientious effort to do so! i've already decided i want to live a life of faith where i never let go of this religion i have. but no worries people, i'm not going to force anything on you guys. still the same ivy but a little more thoughtful. XD and slightly more time spent in my church.

i also had lots of experiences during this camp, facil-ing a 2d1n camp for others, ministering to others etc. unique one-of-a-kind experiences for me.. first shot at facilitating a camp even though i know i don't look like it. tangibly feeling another's pain. daring to share more about myself through the testimony. stuffing a stack of like 6/7 chips into my mouth. playing keyboard randomly in between sessions. doing ballet barefoot! teaching my friends how to do some simple exercises.. etc.

looking back, the best $100 my parents have used on me for a long time. and best six weeks spent in singapore for a long time. (:

and now looking forward - dinner tmr, tuition with alvie on saturday, cny and valentine's on sunday, dinner on tues, class birthday celeb and ash wed.. and more things to come along! but before i can do any of this stuff, i need to get rid of the rashes.

GO AWAY DUMB RASHES!!

2010-01-05T06:28:00.000-08:00

okay camp starts tomorrow. there's no particular packing list so i just dumped the essentials into my bag - clothes, toiletries, towel, the usual church stuff, notebook, stationery.. hope its enough! am nervous about meeting new people whom i've never talked to before! oh well, at least i know one person.. and at least i get to go for ballet! :D

tis gonna be a busy five weeks for me starting tomorrow. nonstop action! and squeeze in a couple of tuition sessions too! then chinese new year.. (angpao angpao!!)

all the best man.

2009-12-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

oof i'm really tired now! had ballet last night and tonight, and today went out with some classmates too.

these two days have been the open house for vaganova intermediate at ppas, held mainly for the ymca students who wanted extra lessons. XD haha, not that i minded. good exercise. yesterday the studio was FILLED! 18 students! so cool okay i tell you i haven't seen the studio so full since like, 1998 or something? since the tofu town performance. anyway, there were really really good dancers there, the bolshoi meiyi, and some other dancers too. i want to dance like them!

anyway all of them were wearing like skirts or shorts or extra stuff on top of the basic leotard and tights.. and they were all super colourful. so i felt kinda out-of-place. but yesterday i was wearing my maroon leotard so it wasn't so bad, at least i had some colour. today.. i was wearing my black leotard! it looked so simple compared to everything else. high-backed, black, normal straps leotard with lousy damaged pink tights, no skirt, no shorts, no pants. but i liked it that way. no extra clothes to spoil my movements. XD

and for both nights we did lots of turns. we'd have detournes and fouettes and different kinds of turns! am glad to say i am finally working a bit harder for the fouettes. heehee. getting a bit of the hang of it.. and today we did the swan lake variation that we were taught before, eheheh, so fun! meep!

heehee i'm very happy now. looking forward to the next lesson on sunday! (even though its a normal sunday lesson!)

2009-12-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

camp's in less than 24hours. i'm packed. my stuff is leaving the house in about an hour. i just printed the admin/logs stuff. and then suddenly i realize..
throughout the planning for this we barely put much thought into budget. me, barely put much thought into budget. and now there's this horrible ominous cloud over my brain. the cloud keeps raining thoughts of "not enough $$" into my brain!

this is bad.

oh well. things should settle itself. if i become my normal self and be a little more stingy and thrifty in the expenditure..

whoosh. not much time left to idle away (actually i'm already backlogging on the "to-do" for today!) so, i'll see you guys soon. :)

2009-11-25T07:57:00.000-08:00

okay. most of the exams are over, i can't say anything about how i've performed. just don't have a very good feeling for most of the papers but yet i don't feel panicky. which is really strange.. but i do wish i didn't panic DURING the exam. it would've helped alot. but anyway, what's done's done, just hope that whatever i get will suffice and see me through to fst.

hee. in a bid to cheerup on monday i came home to play theme hospital! downloaded like a gazillion versions of it before i could get the vista compatible one. even then, it wasn't the best system - everytime my laptop battery went down by a quarter, the game would hang. -.- thank goodness i saved the game periodically. besides that, i would say its a really good game. played it last time when i was younger and now i'm progressing much faster than before, maybe because i've gotten into the hang of the game, building more stuff quickly.

this has been quite a crazy week. mom's birthday celeb over the weekend, double exam on monday (even though both are short papers, i was still quite drained when i got home), movie + pool + laserquest on tuesday, helping out at home on wednesday, tomorrow gonna pick out my outfit, and friday its owen's birthday. probably gotta help get his gift and his cake, etc. what, oh what, should i get for my brother..

-------------------------------------------

i don't like all these rumours or talking behind others' back that i see all around, everyday. at church, at home, in school. why can't people come to an agreement about stuff? instead of being so wholeheartedly stubborn and devoted to their own cause just because it's what they prefer. many times in life, the things you have to do are not the things you want to do. you just have to make the best out of it and find happiness in whatever you're doing. i've always lived by a policy of making the best out of whatever i have and trying my best to work out some kind of compromise, even though the people i'm working with may not be very good to work with or just plain difficult.

maybe i've just been listening for too long, but over the weekend before the double paper monday i was hit by a wave of the blues. its not primarily due to these rumour stuff, but more of my grandma. i don't understand why i'm making such a big deal out of it but i just got really upset when i found out.

okay, she lied to me. and there's always the possibility of old age being the cause of her forgetfulness making it seem like she lied, but i can't help but feel she did it on purpose. her diabetic condition has worsened slightly but its inevitable with age, so to help her we got one of those blood glucose machines. one afternoon, after i got through an exam, i came home and asked, "hello! did you take your blood glucose today? how was it?" and she told me, "oh, i got 9. [mmol/L]" it was acceptable for a diabetic after breakfast, so i let it go.

and then, that evening, she told my mom, "the screen said E9." at that moment i was like, HUH?! you just told me in the afternoon it was 9! but this mistake was still forgivable, i believe it was a genuine mistake, it may have just slipped her mind to mention the E. [btw, E9 means an error occurred during the test.]

on saturday, i asked her casually, "have you gotten the piece of paper updated? the one you put in your wallet, to tell others who to contact in case something happens outside?" and she said, "yea i've done it."

within three hours, my mom walks into the room, and tells my grandma: "hey, i haven't updated that paper for you yet. i do it on monday okay? put these numbers?" i was studying then but when i heard those words i just stopped and turned around and looked at my mom. "what, she hasn't updated it yet?" "no she hasn't, i haven't done it." and it hit me pretty hard that my grandma actually bluffed me.

from an outsider's point of view, you'd be inclined to say that it may be a mistake again. i don't dispute it. but just a few days previously, my aunt told me she refused to have that piece of paper updated, saying nothing would happen to her, and even then those numbers would still work. the fact was that the piece of paper contained outdated numbers, and only one of them still worked.

and yesterday, after she went through a simple procedure to get her cataract cleaned. i came home for dinner, and i saw some porridge left over, so i told her, "have the porridge, its healthier." we have tingkat from a caterer and the food is far too oily for my liking. when you take porridge you eat less of the dishes as compared to when you eat rice.

when my mom asked her, "which one you want?" she immediately said, "rice!"

okay. maybe she doesn't like porridge. maybe she doesn't like porridge for DINNER.

you know what they say when life goes around? you become a child again when you grow old. and this process is beginning, for my grandmother.. but she doesn't know it. and i don't look forward to it. she sleeps in my room and most of the time i help her around because she "likes me" and apparently i'm the best, of the relatives in singapore, in getting her to listen or be less obstinate or just talk some sense into her.

i'm not afraid of the process of taking care of her and helping her. i'm not afraid to be seen as uncool when i bring her out shopping or carry her bags or do stuff at her beck and call. but she's just not being cooperative, and even when i do my best trying to reach a compromise with her, she just shuts me out. she doesn't listen to whatever she doesn't WANT to listen to. its kinda getting tiring trying to balance between satisfying her and satisfying the rest of the family.

beyond the fatigue, what i'm really afraid is that something will happen to her. like, death. there are nights when she is the same position when i sleep and when i wake up. i actually look at her until i see her steady breathing before i relax and tell myself she's okay. there are other nights when i suddenly hear her snoring stop. and i sit bolt upright in my bed looking at her to see if she's breathing.

i wish that she would be watched over and i wouldn't feel too overly-responsible for whatever happens even though sometimes i can't control it. like the death thing.

---------------------------------------

thank you for listening.

2009-10-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

graduation's over! so fast.. last saturday, i was digging for photos for kbong, just finished the class box. on tuesday, we had news about the totem pole, and then went on another night spree to get the symbols up for the others to draw. slogged through two more days of school (though thursday was considerably better and more fruitful) and then friday came.

slept late, so woke up barely on time and rushed out. no breakfast. ): reached school and once people arrived, we started on the pole. it was quite difficult at first to finish kbong's symbol but i managed to do the basic outline and then left the rest to another person. and had to do that "you help this part? and you do that part." thing and make sure everyone was involved.. but basically the class got together and we all did something. (: was quite tired and hungry by the time the pole was up and ready to be presented to the school. but then, i didn't get to eat potluck because it was time to go for the ceremony. >< bahh.

ceremony was pretty okay. kept awake by the need to do stuff for magcomm. the videos were really good and so was bp's sarcasm and suaning towards the later part of his address. were given our grad stuff and the mementoes.. a dvd with video montages and photos. a very nice gift i would say.

so after ceremony and phototaking went to clear the class, sweep, did all the usual logs stuff. gave each classmate a film as i wanted to. farewell gift. (: quite fun. we stayed in class till we had to return the key.. and we used the ceiling as a storage place 'cos we couldn't bring everything back with us. XD went off to vivocity! they wanted to go shopping for jarryl's birthday stuff but then it would be too late for me, so i just had lunch with the rest and went home. *snore*

after i got home i properly read my grad stuff, initially i thought there was a mistake in my testimonial. the seminar names were different! being the usual cannot-lie-and-must-not-take-what's-not-mine person i asked kbong if he could change it, and then DANGDANGDANG!! it was actually in the system that i was selected for the seminar that he wrote about! was quite pleasantly surprised (: but i think i didn't get to go for it because it was probably during the period which i was overseas last year. heh.

and then i read through the list of cca stuff, and i felt that these two years were well spent. even though i missed tk a lot at first and wanted to go somewhere with a little more green, and i didn't really like school.. i managed to like the place enough in the end to actually stay back after school and not rush home. guess i made the right choice to stick it out in cj (:

well. kudos to two years in cj and making the best out of it and all the way for the exams. (:

2009-10-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

okay i hate that photobucket inactive sign thing on the sidebar so i'm trying to access my account now so that it'll go away. i think the last time i actually signed into photobucket was end 2005 and i'm not surprised that i have trouble recalling my password and my username. ):

went back to tk on thursday. actually i wanted to go back on friday and sing the school song, do all that nostalgic stuff, but had the chem mock. at least i could do part of it after a revelation even though i got stumped halfway through. it was like, "how to do.." and then "PING PING PING!!"

anyway, i hung around parkway and finally got my maped compass! no more excuses to skip complex number questions for maths. :D met up with alyba, drea and fluff in sch. they came late!! gwarr. we talked to mrs ngin for almost one and a half hours.. until i got so hungry i just kinda shut up. she managed to successfully bluff me she was four months pregnant. >< that aside.. when tk girls are hungry, they go to VIDEOWORLD!! i haven't had instant noodles in eons. nothing beats slacking at videoworld, having our instant noodles, icecream and talking nonsense. :D alvie you have to join us the next time!!

I JUST LOGGED INTO PHOTOBUCKET!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

this week has been crazy. sleeping about four/five hours a night and trying to concentrate on lessons, finish homework and study for mocks is no joke. i woke up at 8.25am on wednesday. >< my mom banged down the door and exclaimed, "don't you have school today?" it took me a few seconds to realize it was WEDNESDAY!! and then the first thought was, "should i pon or should i not?" then, "OH NO CSE LECTURE!! GP!! DOUBLE CHEM!!" i flew around the room getting my stuff and by 8.35 i was out of the house. :)

the cab ride to school was another thing. the taxi driver didn't think a girl like me would call a cab. so he just waited near the carpark lots and i had to call upstairs to ask my mom if that cab number was the one that i was supposed to get on. and yea, it was. so i got on, and the guy asked, "YOU called the cab?" i was so angry! is there something wrong with small girls getting on cabs?! "yes, I called the cab." emphasis on the "I".

so we went down upp serangoon road. goodness the traffic jam! we got stuck for about 5min in the jam and i just watched the meter go up like how my temperature was probably rising. i was secretly swearing to myself the jam was so bad i wouldn't even make it to school in time for the last lesson (at 11am. it was then about 8.50). suddenly, the driver turned off a slip road into lorong chuan and didn't say anything about it.

at first i was ready to start scolding because i was utterly fed up. first he thinks i cannot call a cab. then he thinks he can take me for a blurbox and take me on a round around serangoon. but thank goodness i held my tongue because i was proven wrong! zoom zoom zoom across lorong chuan and out at BARTLEY ROAD!! no jam all the way to school! whoohoo! my temper, temperature and angsty feelings towards the driver all cooled down. until the erp.

"OH NO ERP." *teet* $0.50. AHHH!! at that point of time the driver saw me staring in front out at the other cars (which were beginning to jam at lor 1 tp) and said, "see, jam. don't you think so?" and being grumpy, again, all i could utter was a "yes i agree" in formal chinese. oh yea, the other reason for me becoming grumpy again was because i asked him to go via lor 2, the fastest route in tp towards cj. he went into lor 1. and luckily his peripheral vision caught sight of my black face, he turned into lor 3 to go into lor 2 which indeed was much faster. and so my black face slowly became skin colour again.

in fact the rest of the ride to cj was fast with minimal traffic lights so my mood lightened considerably. grouchy no more! by the time i actually arrived in school i was quite happy and could say thank you to the driver and actually meant it. i paid $18 for an extra 2h 50min worth of sleep.

moral of the story: please avoid sleeping late for consecutive nights until you can't hear your alarm which goes on playing beatles music for fifteen minutes.

exams are in 29 days. please kick me offline.

2009-09-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

hello, after a month i am back! :D hoho. okay so prelims are over, and now there're 44 more days to the big real exams.. and i still do not feel adequately prepared. sigh. >< anyway, here's an update.

my shortsightedness and astigmatism have both increased. shortsightedness increased for both eyes, left eye 50degrees and right eye 75degrees. astigmatism for left eye, 50degrees. so there's a horrible imbalance for my two eyes' astigmatism.. there's a difference of 75degrees. not very good. during bio lecture on thursday i realized that i couldn't see properly, my eyes were so confused because the right one couldn't see clearly (the screen was blur when i covered my left eye!) and my left eye was straining to make up for it. normally i wouldn't have seen the optician, but because it was actually BLUR and affecting my lessons, i went today. :) so, new lenses! collecting on wednesday.

i can't say i've been working very hard (and thus causing the eye degree increase) because the truth is that i haven't. once i get home i take out the itouch and start poking it. especially after the prelims because i lifted the computer ban on myself (and this also explains what i'm doing here) and can download more apps. >< sheesh. must stop this excess poking of the screen and get back to work..

some of the prelim results have started coming in. chem - relatively okay, but i don't feel very satisfied with the marks from the current papers because there were hints. from the total grade i'm gonna deduct about 8 to 10 marks to see my real chem standard. i really don't like accepting hints but i was stuck at the table and even if i tried to shut my teacher out, it wouldn't really have worked. and for the other exams some other classes get hints too. so i shall just do the minus thing and hope that i still score decently.

china studies - improvement! for one segment only. but overall mooky was quite happy (even though she can't rmb my marks exactly) so i presume i passed.. for once. maybe its actually a decent, above 50marks pass. same for gp - passed the essay. let's hope i didn't fail the compre this time! [note: if you didn't know.. i failed gp for midyears. 17/50 for essay and 23/50 for compre before moderation. my mom nearly had a heart attack because i scored for the english o's.]

maths, sad. sigh. ): may my brain be reception to differentiation, integration, complex numbers, vectors and definite integrals! my numerous mathematical achilles heels.

i've stopped organ for the time being (because i'm the only student left in the class, am waiting until the other student comes back from internship in florida) but am continuing my drums and ballet. :) stopped involvement in church stuff too.. mom complained it was taking up too much time. she made me stop since june. >< bahh.

okay now i think this is sufficiently long to bore and i am adequately tired. i shall go to sleep now and hope that waking up late tomorrow morning will give me enough sleep to ensure that i don't write stupid things like "the toe [CCP] party line" instead of "toe the [CCP] party line" like this morning.

something in my subconscious tells me i have changed my style of blogging and the way i write, perhaps because of the pressure i have been under to churn out sophisticated-sounding words and phrases for essays. but this does not mean i have changed. :D

i tell you funny joke!
where did the independent variable go when it wanted a drink?
the x bar. :)

2009-08-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

the long weekend has come and gone. tired all the way through. sunday afternoon was really retarded - i went to ppas for class, and then kw didn't arrive! we tried calling him but his phone was off, and kinda deduced his flight was delayed. after about an hour we all just went home.. and after i made my way home, i fell asleep, again.

today was sleep/tuition or study/eat and repeat. literally. i slept till 9, had tuition from 10 to 12, ate lunch, slept until 2, then woke up to hear my tutor's voice outside my house main door. had maths from 2 to 4, then did a bit of cse, then sleep again. had dinner, more china, and now i'm here. dunno what's wrong with me and my sleeping habits.

so, 21 more days to prelims, and i'm still here typing. someone please give me a good mighty push towards the notes and the revision.

2009-08-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

okay, i don't know how often you check my blog but i hope that when you DO read this, it's not too late. please drop me a message after you've read this.. you will know this is for you,

cutting yourself is not the way to go, okay? as horrible as things may be going, as tough as it is to face every day, that's not the solution to things. it may seem to be a form of self-expression, or a way to take away your pain, but its not. you think you don't mind dying, but when time comes that you press too deep and life seeps away from you, you will regret it. you will regret leaving behind your loved one(s) in pain, leaving them wondering what they did or did not do. in some cases, those left behind here on earth hurt forever.

those cuts really do no good but hurt everyone around you. yes, even your mom and your sister. sometimes they just seem like shit and you don't ever click with them, but cliche as it sounds, deep down inside they love you very much. they just don't say it. my mom doesn't say it either and they don't show it but i know they do because i've seen the results that come off her advice. when she see your cuts, she hurts deep inside. and in her brain, this happens..

"what happened? is it me again? why am i causing her so much pain? because of Mr A.? i don't want her to cut herself! but i really don't feel safe with her around Mr A. what if Mr A. takes advantage of her? the age gap is so big. i don't even KNOW anything about Mr A.! okay maybe i'll try to find out. where can i find out? i hope i can trust her. i want to trust her. i want to trust her and nothing bad will happen to her because i'll never forgive myself if i allowed her to go out with somebody who hurt her."

that's why sometimes parents seem so neurotic, so crazed, unreasonable, retarded, stupid, all the other words you use to describe it. it sounds unlikely that your mom thinks that way, and sometimes you think you've got proof she hates you because she says hurtful things and even says she doesn't care about you at all. but really, REALLY REALLY, inside she feels pain.

this is one of the longer posts i've done in a while, and i'm sorry it has to be so cryptic and sad. but i really hope you'll be fine, and you'll stick with the tough decision. the right one. the right one to the rest of the world. love will come again but family will not.

2009-07-16T08:34:00.001-07:00

last week on wednesday, i watched ice age 3. (:
and today, thursday, i watched harry potter!

i wouldn't say harry potter's storyline is fantastic. in fact, if you don't already have a rough gist of what's going on in his life, you probably wouldn't get the movie. the effects are pretty good though, and they had several funny lines. and also, alan rickman (snape) looks much better in the movie! for once, they also have several direct quotations from the book.

haven't been practicing turns or keeping my legs straight or arms strengthening for ages! always can't seem to find time for it, now that school is back in full swing and its constantly a distraction. oh yea, talking about school, midyears results haven't been fantastic. got a lot more to do, a long way to go.. i hope i wake up soon ): there's no time to lose, prelims are close!

lame jokes, please make me love the subject.

2009-07-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

today was good! :D
yep so last night stayed up late to finish my book and surf facebook. this morning, woke up and watched centrestage! nice lovely ballet-y movie. watching/reading stuff about dance and ballet makes me inspired to do better in class! heheh.
packed my room a bit, made lunch, washed my favourite stuffed toy (which now smells of lavender 'cos i put too much detergent), and then went out to meet friends.
had a sprite with a friend and talked about random stuff, catchup time.
then this is the even-funner part! went for dinner with fellow ballet-ers!

haha yep we went to heeren for dinner at waraku. at first me and pan-e went to the wrong waraku! and then we were told there were two, and found yunzhen and liangyu sitting at the other waraku. ordered mapo udon, i tell you the bowl is humungous, i hope yz uploads it soon in facebook! it's at least twice the size of my head! we ate and talked and talked and talked, and took five polaroids (: yay i love my camera. its damn fun to photograph other people with it! am looking for more film now so on sunday, can REALLY take lots! :D

heehee i'm tired now. time to tidy up more of my room and then zz!!

2009-06-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

yes today one of the bad days of the holidays.

anyway, i thought marymount mrt on circle line would go out nicely to thomson area and fareast flora and i could get to school from there. so i happily went onto the mrt, to come out at marymount and go, "how to get to school?"

i walked to bus stop number 1, looked at bus directory. they're all going towards yishun! definitely wrong direction. so i crossed the overhead bridge, and i realized, i can take bus to opp police academy and then i'll be able to take another bus to school for one stop! okay i'll take that bus.

so i took that bus. and it didn't take me to the stop i wanted to go, it took me past thomson medical centre. like, a long road away from school. AND THEN, i saw chancery lane. so i decided, chancery lane's near school! i'll walk to school! shouldn't be a long walk.

BOY, WAS I WRONG.

out of the bus, over the overhead bridge, into chancery lane, into chancery hill drive, walk on and on and on with no end in sight, dyson road, and by that time i was in a bad mood and ready to just go somewhere else instead of school to attempt studying. and once i stepped out of that maze of roads from the dyson road entrance, i saw..

"WHITLEY ROAD".

guess where cjc is located. yes, whitley road.

i got my bearings and i realized, this is bloody f-ing one stop before school. grumpy, disillusioned and wet (from the time i left my house to the time i reached school, it was raining. i had no umbrella.), i took one stop to school and walked in, ready for temperature taking. hurried up the steps to the foyer. the lady tried to take my temperature for at least five times, i can tell you that. each time, the laser thermometer showed..

"LOW".

all the rain and the cold bus had made my temperature drop. and the thing was, i wasn't even feeling cold. i was just pale, according to what i heard. "look at her, her face is all white!" goodness. after about five minutes my body readjusted, and i finally got a temperature - 36.4degrees celsius.

that's about it for the retarded day.

2009-06-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

one of the best days in the holidays, so far. (: besides retreat.

magazine bonding! yes, we are not nerds who write the yearbook! went to sheryl's house all the way in bukit batok, got lost looking for her condo (like always - keep getting lost now). tuang-ed and ordered pizza. started on simpsons movie and making jelly. we had lemon jelly with strawberry inside (don't ask why we didn't use the strawberry powder). AND, we put the jelly in the freezer. the dessert came out.. strange. but still edible. XD says a lot about our cooking skills.

yep and pizza! super good. such a threatening, lovely treat. :D especially hawaiian! ate two huge slices of that, one huge slice of cheesysausage, and then some beefbaconcheese and meatlover.. throughout most of simpsons i was going chompchompchomp and slurpslurpslurp and basically eating like a pig. hur.

wanted to play monopoly after that, but after realizing that i live so far away from bukit batok, i decided to go home with the rest. then instead went to bishan library, I BORROWED THREE BOOKS!! :D this is exciting, i shall go and read them soon. especially, "mao's last dancer"! heehee. i think the guy's muscles are super good! but he is extremely indiscreet. AHHHHH!

okay enough of staying up late, reading books on itouch and neglecting my work. someone please give me a huge prod in the correct direction of my books!

2009-06-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

blog time. :)

cse, gp midyears and alevel chinese over. the papers weren't easy, just barely manageable. but seeing how fluctuating my marks can be, i don't dare to hope too much for any of the papers. especially chinese. >< bahh.

i missed sec2 camp. ):

oh and just to update anyone who reads. on the special (yet dreaded) day, my church friends kidnapped me. yes, they blindfolded me with cassie's cardigan, and made me walk across part of the church compound to andre's car, stuffed me in the middle, and off we drove. i KNEW it was somewhere near home but cassie, rebecca and marianne kept trying to convince me we were in katong market waiting to eat katong laksa. 'cos some people needed to go and buy food (ce and andre) and we were left in the car to roast so that they would have lamp chop to eat for lunch. yes and then we walked across dunno-how-far-for-what-seemed-to-be-eternity and WENT UP STAIRS. to the third floor i think. then there were lots of rounds to be turned, and i had to name eighteen people, and then i randomly punched someone, and then my poor disoriented mind had to find my way into the house.

it was fun anyhows. photos on facebook.

random song that i got hooked on - nobody by wondergirls. the tune is really very catchy. someone was telling me a joke, "i want nobody, nobody but ewe! i want nobody, nobody but ewe!" and saying that the video we make, if we make one with those lyrics, would be lamb-asted and baa-d.

2009-05-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

tired.
shaky limbs. my hand was shaking during bio spa and my legs were shaking during 4x100m heats. but at least we most probably got in. :)

gotta put in lots more effort into cse. need to know all the content at the fingertips so that i can spend more time on structuring my arguments during the exams.

2009-05-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

this year, i so do not look forward to that day. i wish i could stay seventeen for a while longer.
i'll be missing two concerts.
and i'll also be slogging it out for chinese and H1s.
AND, it would be my last day with my group.

until A's end.
what a life.

2009-04-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

finally finished the second computer class at sage, with a lot of hiccups. buying prizes at the last minute, rachel zapping forms while i was teaching, talking myself hoarse over the chaos in the comp lab. overall a more productive experience than buddying - patience level too low to buddy. but i think i'll be doing that for the upcoming class though. >< damnit.

dinner was pretty good, at joe's corner. lots of fried food though. i took two hours to finish my small meal there and it's all because of lack of practice of eating fried chicken wings with fork and spoon. (yes, i eat chicken wings with chopsticks.) very good touch time, we talked about stuff ranging from kinabalu to afro hair to hongkong.

drums today was cool, i got to play on the teacher's set. the ride cymbal is huge. and the drums are just very nice to play. but i screwed up the second third practice (playing "whatsername" by greenday) real bad. lol. misled by some rushing students then timing went all off. paiseh.

three crazy weeks have passed, and the last one's schedule has been changed so it's not so hectic anymore next week. YES FINALLY. i can breathe.

2009-04-19T03:45:00.000-07:00

yes, i am going to do an update.

had ballet today, my knee hurts. ): it's that old growth problem again i think, i hope this signifies i'm going to grow somemore! my second growth spurt. :D i wanna be taller taller taller!!
and for once, i've finished my cse readings, and stuffed into my mind the viewpoint of america regarding taiwan and china.
i borrowed two books three weeks back, from library at esplanade, and no i haven't even gotten close to reading half of one of the books. i shall go and look for the "renew" button on nlb website now.

two crazy weeks just passed, another two crazy weeks to come. good luck to me.

2009-04-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

okok, i'm finally back. :)

cts results were back last week, and just yesterday i had the parents teacher meeting. its compulsory for all the students to go with their parents to meet the home tutors. well my horrendous persistently failing china studies grades worries my tutor >< (and me as well, actually.) think i need to get the skill of reading soon.. am so so so bad at reading those huge long readings and getting information out of them. once i get past that, i can apply my regular revision formula :)

today was fun. did ym canteen in church! haha. the best parts were standing on the edge of the table waiting to shove plates into a very very tall cupboard and rearranging all the plates. poor cassie was worried i was gonna fall down and die ><>< i was so scared it would sink and be lost forever!!

yep and school again tomorrow. sian!! china studies. chinese. maths. chem. bio. pe. gp. like everything in one day!? AHHH! the worst monday ever. plus maths tuition at night. AHHH!

hur. sleep time.

2009-03-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

cts are over. even though it wasn't really moralizing, for at least three of the papers i felt i tried my best. and one of them is my worst subject. so in that sense, i'm satisfied. :) now let's just wait for the not-so-good grades to come back.

today is a major milestone! i have fulfilled my bet, which was due exactly 27 days ago. whoops. XD but still. 2 down, 5 to go!

i need someone to go for nus open house with me tomorrow.

2009-02-28T04:44:00.001-08:00

still haven't done the politics reading.
frisbee indoors. rehearsal.
sang for mass. 1.05 rubiks.
slept in lectures. got made fun of upsidedown.
totally sucked at practical. shows the stupidity.
rushed maths project.
slept during cip when we were supposed to come up with projects.
huiwen's not learning organ anymore.
i don't like people who pick on others. if you don't like being picked on, then don't pick on.
my mom accidentally dropped her phone in the sink and i can't fix it.
i'm getting nowhere with my revision.

that summarizes my week.

2009-02-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

i love my new maroon leotard. it's doesn't stink as quickly and its made of some cool material. :) and its got a pretty colour. all that it needs is a nice strap. haha.

i hope that the heat will go down in aussie because of all my aussie friends. from tkgs and wyd. poor brian and thea. i hope goldie's fine too.. think i'll give them a call tomorrow. miss them many many!

can't believe i spent my entire evening-night reading a book when i should be doing my readings due wednesday and other HOMEWORK!

tsk ivy.

2009-02-01T04:57:00.000-08:00

i dislike regrets.
i am unprepared.
i think if i really went that night, i would have totally regretted it. not done enough here yet. not done my best where i am, now.

thank you for giving me more time. :)

i am going to do my best now and try everything. :)

2009-01-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

this weekend was the most relaxing weekend i've had all year. with nothing scheduled except a couple of dinners.
and that's also why it was the most unproductive weekend so far. i have not finished a single bit of homework i was assigned for the holidays, hohoho. (i shall have fun trying to finish them on tuesday night)

anyway, friday met alyba(ba), alvina(na) and lau(ra)! XD and i'm ivylam(ma). good to talk talk talk with you all a bit! :D and tried to play pool.. and played alyba's psp! haha eh alyba if you read this, you've still got two areas to break before you finish the game! :) dj clazzi. oh ya, and the funny card game which was quite amusing after i got it.. XD

tomorrow is a HOLIDAY! more unproductiveness, but oh well. bai nian first. :)

2009-01-22T07:36:00.001-08:00

MAROON LEOTARD IS COMING.
:)

2009-01-17T05:54:00.000-08:00

my nose is running very very fast now. it acts up on saturdays and sundays only ): on weekdays when i wake up early nothing happens! it doesn't leak like this! ARGH.

anyway. today was bad. i woke up with a bad nose, and rushed off late for classes. when i tried to hit the first tom, i hit my own score. when i tried to hit the cymbal, i hit my friend's score. and i was lagging behind real bad. bingbang wasn't much better. once the aircon was switched on i was shivering in my bunny and nose was running faster than ever.

bahh.

and not to mention, i'm like not doing anything. rotting here. can't even settle my nyaa. not in any comp or perf this year. sucker.

2009-01-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

ok i am really really really excited now. more excited than when i got funny ideas to dress people up. more excited than when i was starting drumming.

yes, i am going to do a girly thingy and pamper myself this year for chinese new year, with ONLINE SHOPPING! haha. :) yes, i am going to put my coupon to good use and buy ~~all~~ the tyrell katz stuff, as well as get myself a new leotard (well the rest of inter is getting them too) and cool ballet shirts and stuff. haha. my new year's shopping is for BALLET STUFF!

ok i really am getting far too excited here. :) i have set myself some goals for the year, finally..
to accomplish my side split (at least), so i can do proper stunning split jumps
to accomplish fouettes and double piques
to get into dream school to do dream degree
5 chin-ups
3 handstand pushups
to accomplish italian fouettes!

ok yes. i am really really really excited. i can't wait for my maroon leotard. ALL IN THE SPIRIT OF CNY! :D

(on hindsight, i just want a new leotard. i'm sick of black! been wearing black for.. six years?!?!?! poor liangyu and meiyi and zhen have been wearing them for even longer! MAROON!!)

and to end off with a very ivy-ish note,
I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITED I AM EXCITEDLY AWAITING WONDERFUL BALLET GOODIES.

2009-01-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

hooked on jason mraz's "i'm yours" and "lucky" now. :)

lucky i'm in love with my best friend
lucky to have been where i've been
lucky to be coming home again
lucky we're in love in every way
lucky to have stayed where we've stayed
lucky to be coming home some day

these few days have been long and full. gua bbq, classes restarted, boofday too! many stuff to practice. pique turns into arabesque! :D and entrechat six. :) happy ivy can jump.

off to gather my thoughts into a pile, deposit them into a journal and then withdraw them again tomorrow so that i can have a good night's sleep tonight. XD

2008-12-31T09:00:00.000-08:00

happy new year! :) it's been another year, and we're growing older day by day by day..

this year has been heavy. lots of stuff happened. and memorable moments of epiphany. :)

this coming year will be just as heavy! D: but let's just chiong through it and wait for the after-a's-hols that await in 2010!!

haha. :)

2008-12-21T08:26:00.000-08:00

i want those muscles.

2008-12-19T08:20:00.001-08:00

cambridge reunion was good. :) lots of food. i think josh's parents sponsored the turkey and icecream cake. all of us were bursting full at the end of it. and we had to play the number game to finish the food. XD i only kena-ed once, unlike elijah and charis who had to eat so many servings..

the fun and all the random things we came up with, pairing people up, making fun of kenchew, unglam shots, playing drums!, playing piano by ear to the blasting christmas music, all made up for the fact i got lost twice. >< yes for a bit i got so fed up of walking along the road that i was swearing out loud and punched the traffic light in frustration. 'cos i walked all the way to sngs AND then back all the way to thomson hill. and then walked into the wrong dead end of the road.

never trust the maps/instructions joshua gives. turn left = turn right.

christmas shopping a bit today too, was ok. :) roy spent lots of $$ on a jersey and shorts! but at least he didn't spend 99 on the patriotic jersey. XD

sleep time. long day tomorrow, most of it with laoshi and yunzhen! :D WHEE!

No one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overflown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart

And when I think that I'm alone
It seems there's more of us at home
It's a multitude of angels
And they're playing with my heart

2008-12-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

tkgsav seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. don't read anything about anybody inside there anymore. ): sigh.

off to camp for another two days.

2008-12-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

feel quite useless. spent the whole day playing.
i need to work.

bahh.

2008-12-08T20:49:00.000-08:00

eating last night's omelette curry rice now. :) random, but the point is that
CAMP IS OVER!
heheh. i am a happy kid! and i've found out something about myself through the camp..
when i get sleepy, i sing "i'm a little teapot short and stout! XD

ok, so coming up would be confirmation itself, rc chalet, nutcracker, socks outing and/or sleepover, christmas play..

whoohoo!

2008-12-01T05:13:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i'm falling sick (or sick already) at such an unearthly period of time.
camp is looming, in four days, and here i am, with a swollen eye, stuffed nose, sore throat, and tired knee.

gosh i feel horrible.

2008-11-30T07:18:00.000-08:00

been tagged by numerous people. ><

Three names you go by:
1. Ivy
2. V
3. (my)Lam

Three screen names you have:
1. fairymonster
2. thebunnylife
3. boofy

Three Parts of your heritage (What does this mean??? I shall follow pH):
1. guas :)
2. tkgs av
3. ihmyc/ihm

Three things that scare you:
1. some people
2. conflicts
3. a day with nothing planned out to do

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. hp
2. something to read
3. wallet

Three things you're wearing now:
1. specs
2. fbts
3. fila tee

Three of your favourite songs:
1. as the deer
2. love, me
3. gloria/laudaute dominum

Two truths and a lie in no particular order:
1. i'm stressed
2. i'm sad
3. i'm excited

Three of your favourite hobbies:
1. reading
2. dancing
3. playing coordination games

Three things you want to do really badly now:
1. ddr
2. let concamp run smoothly
3. go out with rc, guas and classmates!

Three careers you're considering:
1. food scientist
2. psychologist
3. theologian

Three places you want to go on vacation to:
1. rome/vatican
2. cambridge
3. aussie

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. tell some people i love them :)
2. perform in a ballet
3. say bye to everybody

Three things that make you stereotypically a boy:
1. i looove guy clothes
2. i hang out with mainly guys
3. i hate makeup

Three things that make you stereotypically a girl:
1. i very very very occasionally wear skirts
2. i seldom wear fbts out of the house unless i'm out of clothes
3. i AM a girl.

2008-11-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

YES! a break from the kids. :) yea, finally. it IS quite tiring to climb monkey bars with them everyday (and get huge blister), build sandcastles with them, wipe their tears away, shelter them from the rain, mould their plasticine, give out clay to them, sculpt balloons with them, create a food pyramid, get bullied by them, try to do pull ups on the monkey bars and fail, pacify them when they get into little arguments, push them on the swing, eat kid-sized portions of nasi lemak and macaroni goreng..

monday will be my last day and i think i'd greatly miss some of them. trisha, sharon, lemoon, sri, raja, christina, cherie, jois, jody..

today's clay sculpting was fun though. i made a bee. :) friends yea. after the bee finally started looking like a bee, i got requests to make all kinds of stuff. and we were running out of clay.. so i decided to make little hearts. :)

looking forward to drumming tomorrow and hope blister gets a bit better. it's quite awkward to write with it and i haven't done godparents' card yet. >< BAHHHHH. get your butt moving, ivy!

on another totally random note - if i wasn't given this task, i would so gladly ditch sunday to go for ballet.

2008-11-25T07:57:00.000-08:00

today was helluva day.
many things happened.
helped the kids build a sandcastle.
got smeared with icecream by a kid.
got bullied by the same kid.
almost pulled my hair out trying to pacify another kid.
was pestered up down left right with tamagotchis and i've never played one of those before, so every time this happened i had to wake up from my half-slumber to try and deduce what was happening to their virtual pets.

i will be glad when this ends. and hopefully i get a picture with my very own carebear girl. :) it's almost like she treats me like her own mommy.. whilst the others treat me as someone to bully ><

i hope she comes back soon!! make life a little better for me. XD

2008-11-19T05:43:00.000-08:00

i am frigging pissed off. i'm not a superhuman, i'm not a born talent. i need practice.

please let us rehearse tomorrow night. i need it.

2008-11-14T07:22:00.000-08:00

:D

chem = :(
sng = :((
pimples + braces + smile= :)))))))))))))
church = :(
ccps = :(
no sms = :(

but today, is still an overall happy day. :)

2008-11-09T02:43:00.001-08:00

need much improvement.
get the correct timings.
pointe when its the time to.
strengthen my arch.

argh i'm so fed up with myself.

2008-10-31T09:54:00.000-07:00

my aunt had a bad time shopping with me. i have a strange fashion sense. :)
but anyway, we decided on socks. and so, now i have

2 pairs of red socks
1 pair of pink socks
1 pair of orange socks
1 pair of yellow socks (new!)
5 pairs of green socks (2/5 of them are new!)
1 pair of blue socks (new!)
3 pairs of purple socks (1/3 of them are new!)
5 pairs of white socks
1 pair of black socks (new!)

i think that's about it. for those who see me during weekends all the time.. they'll know more combinations will soon arise.

for those who are clueless, i love to mix and match my socks.

2008-10-27T00:09:00.000-07:00

imagine my shock when i unloaded my clothes from the washing machine, to find one leg of my tights tangled with the rest of my clothes, a giant hole in the laundry bag (where i had initially put my tights to prevent them from being stretched), and that one tangled leg was longer than the other after i had slowly extricated it.

my mouth wouldn't close. i was shocked! lucky the tights are not new.. but they're only about at the very most a year old! D:

oh well. new tights. ): waste money!! ):

2008-10-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

i wish i could just get all my results and get all the news over and done with, it'll save a lot of unneccessary worrying. and i can work on my stupid i&r in peace. can't remember how long ago my brain worked this slowly.

can't stand either how slowly the sage thingy is settling itself. just don't bring the laptop, damnit. asking so much wastes my smses as well as raises doubts. adrian didn't even contact any of us, even if he suddenly adds us it's a bit too late eh. we can't add extra time for him to webcam with the class. and i haven't even read through what to teach yet. ><

gotta clear up for room in prep for aunt. i'm not sure whether i'm even looking forward to it.

i hope i become less angsty with my family. i learnt my lesson already, didn't i?

2008-10-13T08:18:00.000-07:00

oh man i feel so screwed. even those kids do better than i do. it's only *huge gasp* 1 month and 1 week away and we're not ready to roll. the costume is ready. the shoes are ready. WE are not ready. oh shit.

time to practice. chiong all the way for that now. and pw. and a bit of chinese.

2008-10-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

ok promos are over. :D yes, i was really high today after chem finally ended. felt like a whole load was lifted off my back. i had no idea i was this worried about the exams and expectations and scoldings and blah. but anyway. think i won't be scolded, but i won't meet their expectations either. >< ok. think that didn't really make sense.

anyway, the highlight is that i went out today! with rachel, jolyn, amelia. jarryl and jon joined us for a bit but then they left for taka, whilst we went to play our hearts out at the arcade. yes, i can finally drum! :D can't wait for the official lessons. hope will improve my electone too.
and whilst we were walking about (window)shopping i saw this pretty leather nike bag :) which was a freaking $74 before discount. but but but, mom wasn't in marina she was in suntec, so i forfeited the bag ): but in suntec i got myself a shirt. heheh.

need to do many many stuff. now, on to packing my room and looking for suitable writing paper. and my stupid thermometer.

2008-09-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

i couldn't help but ask myself, "what am i doing?!" when i went for flapping today. and i even stayed back to do a run through, twice, because one week of no pointe work can be a killer. and to my horror of horrors, i can barely make it en pointe past the changement releve.

anyway, construction is beginnng tomorrow, AT MY NEIGHBOUR'S HOUSE. welcome to cj, ivy. you'll be seeing it five days a week, varying between 4 to 8 hours a day, during the exams. welcome to a nocturnal lifestyle which is not feasible especially since so many exams are in the morning.

promos. have fun.

2008-09-26T08:47:00.001-07:00

i don't know what i want anymore.

the world's goals are freaking me out.

2008-09-21T04:56:00.001-07:00

one look at the way i was literally flapping today during class and my teacher could tell i was unsettled and nervous. not to mention, my muscle memory slate has seemingly been wiped clean. i couldn't do a single detourne. i can't play the middle of toccata. i can't remember how to aim for the last bit of toccata.

retarded idiot.

2008-09-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

during maths tutorial on monday, whilst attacking integration I..

ivy: *frustrated after correction-taping practically every question* if i ever get a question correct without having to correction tape anything, i'm going to jump for joy!
amelia: yea! ok! jump jump! eh marc, ivy's going to jump up soon!
marc: erm.. ok. just make sure you come back down, can already.

ok it doesn't sound so funny here (actually i think it's some kind of an insult about how "small" i am). but it got amelia and i into cahoots of laughter. it didn't help that she later said that i'm just like the song "you drive me crazy" by britney spears and i started singing it. ><

argh! undone homework! ): argh heck luh.

2008-08-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

today was awesomely fun. :) the cj concert wasn't too bad, i got back to tk at 11, once i breathed the tk air i got high, met most of the guas, got to talk to lenny and ngin, played bball, ate crystal jade for lunch, got my stationery, slept, had an amusing dinner with my mom and bro, found my book on amazon, and categorized my worksheets.

crystal jade lunch was funny. i haven't eaten with dezzy for really long. ordered plain congee (again) and some duck dish. amazing, laura couldn't finish her congee! i can eat like a few bowls of it.. XD we spent loads of time reminiscing about tk times. dezzy can still remember the time i got mistaken for one of her sisters! :D and we talked about jc life and blah, and topics ranged from how chicken "nehneh" meat enhanced boob size (ask peihsin, this had nothing to do with me at all) to the number of scandals we each had, to the topic of debra and her special friend, to lifeguarding in a bikini in np.. it's quite amusing actually.

dinner was the most hilarious meal i've had with my family in a bit. :) i was trying to fix my face a bit - lack of sleep and lots of work has caused a whole pedigree tree of pimples to sprout on my forehead. (bio students, once you've done genetics you'll know what a pedigree tree is) somehow we started talking about those biore pore pack cleansers. i think owen and andrea's favourite hobby is cleaning their pores.. XD well they shared tips luh! and we were talking about how when dad's back we could do a family pore cleaning together and see the huge amounts of blackheads we'll remove. XD and we were all making stupid pig faces at the table, trying to examine our own pores on the tip of our noses.

step 1: find title of book on amazon.
step 2: try to find it in singapore. it's not sold in borders. D:
does anyone know where i can find "the 100: a ranking of the most influential persons in history" in singapore? i've been looking for this for AGES..

categorized my worksheets. i wonder when next will i touch schoolwork again. i think maybe end next week.. BAHH

sleep time!

2008-08-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

today seems like the best day of the week. maybe 'cos there's no school tomorrow, it's friday and the only piece of work i have to churn out is the writeup, by saturday! :D
anyway, i've felt more productive today than any other day. got a whole list of stuff done that i wanted to get done earlier this week, but never got down to doing it because i was tired and all the rest of the stuff. i..
1. finished my cse essay!
2. packed my clothes back into the wardrobe
3. practiced organ! can you believe it! (though my playing skills have gone to the pits)
4. trying to send out the cn email now.. cannot find second picture.
5. i tried the dance and got past the first part! but must still brush up.. ):

anyways. time to try sort out my stuff a little and clear up my room.
oh, and i've turned nocturnal. with no intention of it at all. >< this is soooo weird.

2008-08-23T10:27:00.001-07:00

i am frigging fed up with myself.
i spent the whole night (ok, from 10 onwards) trying to attack my maclaurin's. and guess what? yes, i FAILED! i fell asleep so many times trying to do the stupid thing. precious time ticked away while i stared at the tutorial, unable to do a single question.
finally, now, at 1.37am on sunday morning, i have almost finished question five. finally. it was only part of what i wanted to do in one freaking hour. (i completed 1 and 2 already, wanted to do 3 to 8 in an hour.)

ARGH MATHS SUCKS!

2008-08-19T09:31:00.001-07:00

trip was great fun.
post-cambridge-blues and jetlag right now.
so much, so much to do..

2008-08-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

i miss laksa.
i need laksa.

like, right now. instant duck porridge is not going to help.

laksa.

2008-08-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

talked a bit to the bee, quite sian to study already anyway. every other sentence was "alright, man" or "cool, man" or "that's good". two tests into one day tomorrow just 'cos i'm leaving at night. retarded.
full steam ahead. i haven't done my readings yet. dead meat.

i am not excited. i am nervous, "butterflies in my stomach". yes at this age i still get butterflies in my stomach. and i can't wait to meet sars there - a sign of church! :D

chat in another two week's time or online. hope you have an answer to my question then. :) i'll continue praying for my own sake! :)

i think i should go bathe and start on my second subject soon. if not laoshi will come and do the "you-think-you-not-taking-this-year-then-no-need-to-study" thing with me.

2008-08-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

i am so sickened by their behaviour.
give her a break will you? stop picking on her every action. speak to her nicely. make her feel loved. that's what everybody wants.

and you will get a non-emo child back.

i am even more sickened by the weird stuff i'm feeling right now.

no picture for today. nothing to express.

2008-07-31T07:33:00.000-07:00

had one of the most hectic days today in school. despite it ending early, it drained much of my brain juice!

first up was bio test in the morning. my bio has never been good, so.. i'm prepared to fail. XD bio tutor said it was a straightforward test and i kinda agreed, and then he said that if we fail it's either 1. we didn't study at all
or 2. we don't understand english.
i don't know which category i fall into. certain stuff can stay in my brain, but the others can't. BAHH. trouble for bio is brewing.
next up, maths lecture. not that juice draining, all that our lecturers make us do for every subject is copy and copy and copy. there's no brainwork at all, makes me pissed off 'cos the first time we ever see a question and do it is in the tutorial. or maybe all lecture-tutorial systems are like that. whoops. ><
aussie maths comp. i can genuinely say i've tried my best for this, considering the fact i couldn't catch anything during training and didn't touch the practices at all. it doesn't really matter (to me anyway) if i come back with a distinction, but i'm glad i concentrated and found ways to solve some of the questions. it was pretty funny when my brain went PING PANG!
break then bio lec. totally not listening (yes, my bio is so bad yet i'm not listening) 'cos i was trying to study for my chem test, which i didn't study for! i was rushing eom last night. XD
chinese - no comments.
then chem test! whilst everyone was happily adjusting their u-tubes, i was attacking the paper. for the first time, i left a 7 mark half blank. so good right. how smart of me. i forgot to do, then by the time i realized i totally lost it and didn't know how to do. on hindsight, i don't know how to do it anyway. whoops, sorry kbong!

our God, is an awesome God
he reigns, from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God

miss the days there.

2008-07-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

i just checked the england blog, and it says there that
MY RESULTS WILL BE MONITORED FROM NOW TILL 'A' LEVELS!
just to make sure my trip there is justified.
how fun.
i do hope i'll have fun there, studying new stuff and trying to catch up on the old.

talked to the bee, my headache disappeared! heheh. but i didn't touch schoolwork ):
and when i think about it, i'm totally NOT IN TOUCH with tkgs news! DAMNIT! someone update me on what's happening around there, now! NOW!!
oh yea, and there's cchs(m) installation on friday. debating to go or not. i haven't done cip for ages! oh the fun of doing too many weird things in school.

on another note, i've got a whole cluster of pimples somewhere near my eyebrow and i've got class phototaking tmr. horror of horrors. GO AWAY PIMPLES!

cannot forget. :)

2008-07-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

wyd was a bomb. :) i loved it there totally!
spiritual interests have grown. i'm gonna go find stuff on shroud, saints and the like now, instead of doing my horrendously overdue tutorials.. XD

back for two weeks, then jetting off again!

oh papal bulls, indulgences and transubstantiation
speak your mind against them and face excommunication
nail your theses to the door let's start a reformation
papal bulls, indulgences and transubstantiation!

waiting for an answer!

2008-07-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

i suddenly do not feel ready.
even though i'm almost packed.
even though i'm psychologically ready to walk the 10k with my bag.
even though i've settle most of my school stuff, excluding the emails.
even though i want a break from the squabbling.
even though i'm physically prepped up to go.

i suddenly just don't want to leave.

really don't feel ready. not spiritually prepared. not ready to meet the world out there.

2008-07-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

alfresco wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. interactors could have been a lot more proactive and enthusiastic though, and it was quite surprising that the leader left before everyone else. or maybe she really had to go.
we sold most of our drinks but the snacks went quite slowly. point to note for everyone who's going to sell stuff at carnivals - no snacks! they go slowly and are not very profitable! D:

trip's in two days. i found out who's the other guy who's going to be hosted by the o'hallorans. haha BIG POKE BEE! :D it will be fun to torture him whilst me and kim have the chance to. XD

2008-07-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

i am excited and nervous to meet my hosts. :) they'll be living further away, but nevermind i've got kim! XD

but yet, there is just this tinge of regret and anxiety and a little stress. regret that i'll miss the great opportunities that came my way but i had to reject 'cos i wouldn't be in singapore. anxious because the week i come back, it's the test week and i theoratically would have not learnt anything to do with the syllabus. stress because before the trip i already have so much to settle, i cannot imagine my workload after i come back. especially with the eom arrangement and ptm and settling admin stuff in school.

please tell me this isn't a wrong decision. to put off my h1 chinese, to not go for the dance prog and help in next year's dance, to not go for the dialogue which i freaking want to go for, to have the teachers inform me separately on my trip status, to miss two weeks of school, to come back unprepared for tests, to skip awwa adhoc, to not go for sage for two weeks,
just to do something that no other sane singaporean teenager of 17 years would do.

2008-06-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

tagged by brenda. (:

5 things was I doing 10 years ago
- crying in p1 'cos i didn't want to be alone in a huge school.
- getting good grades. XD
- dancing.
- swimming.
- eating homecooked lunches that i was made to bring to school. :D

5 things on my to-do list today
- fix the internet on my new toy. :)
- email jules! *** VERY IMPORTANT!!*
- read my book and start on my CHINESE book review
- pack somemore
- sleeep!!

5 3 snacks I enjoy
- black forest chocolate. *drools*
- cheezels
- quaker butter popcorn snack

5 of my bad habits
- being snappy when i'm stressed
- being snappy with the people i appreciate the most
- being extremely ocd when comes to some stuff XD
- cracking knuckles that are very very loud!!
- sleeping at crazy times

5 places I have lived
- hk
- hougang
- ihm
- tkgs
- dairy farm!

5 jobs I've had
- bunny
- tutor
- av board peeeeeeee! XD
- administrator!
- loggy :D :D :D

2008-06-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

argh i'm damn irritated with myself, for

stupidly washing the weighing bottle BEFORE weighing the residue
stupidly pouring with my right and trying to stir with my left
stupidly leaving the solutions open and forgetting to cap them
stupidly spilling solution out of the burette
stupidly getting endpoints that came earlier and earlier the more i titrated
stupidly forgetting to write the reproducible results

as you can tell, i feel very stupid now.

2008-06-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

my body is half dead. i think i pulled many things during ballet today.

1. hip muscle thingy - i can't do grand battements or jump properly. usually when i jump i feel light and airy and today i was like some giganto elephant.

2. ankle. tendon. many tight. no idea why so tight. ><

various parts of myself, please get well soon. and please settle yourselves comfortably tmr during the exam so i won't fidget and i'll concentrate..

AND SO THE BATTLE BEGINS! with bio, and chem, and maths, and chinese, and A level Chem SPA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

how fun.

2008-06-20T09:38:00.001-07:00

my pw is so screwed.
how do we plan a ocip and NOT GO FOR IT?!

2008-06-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

i have spent two days at home, and i am ~~proud~~ sad to say, revision failed. not successful at all. distracted by a.. PSP! :D
yep i borrowed my brother's psp thinking i could get dj max to play. and then, i couldn't get it, so i played ridge racer instead! heheh. unlocked a couple of world tours and almost finished them. :D yes, this is what i do at home instead of mugging. midyears, midyears loom! >< BAHH.

i just read through the packing list and i don't want to go to australia anymore. what CAN you bring in there?! might as well go with loads of money and empty luggages and buy everything there, save yourself the hassle of packing and checking what needs to be declared.

2008-06-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
write, bang on the organ, try on my pointe shoes again, probably go out for a few nights.

If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
so many dreams! :D but i'd choose to make my family happy, whilst myself being happy too. :)

What will your dream wedding to be like?
quiet. not broadcasted to the world, with close friends and family.

Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
quite indecisive as to what i want or what i'm heading for. so, yea, confused! D:

What's your ideal lover like?
some of the people who know me will know this answer. it's too complicated, not gonna put it here. heheh.

Do you have a person that you wish you will be with now?
:)

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
i think being able to recognize love itself is a blessing. but if i had to choose, it'll be loving someone. tis wonderful feeling. *smile*

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
wait until i can't wait anymore lor.

Is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
being retarded at home, not being patient enough, basically not doing enough in all the aspects of my life. funnily enough this is not the first time it's happening but it is one of the most trying times.

How do you see yourself in ten years?
i hope that whatever i'm doing, i'm happy and it's got something to do with food. HEHEH.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
both who tagged me are a little wonky. :D just like me!

What's the first thing you do every morning?
snooze the alarm and go back to sleep.

Would you give all in a relationship?
definitely. i'm that kind of take-a-long-time-to-choose and then give-all person.

If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
i'd choose someone who reads me not as well as the other.

If you were given the chance to turn back time, will you?
i would, to make the "correct choices". take back words i've said.
but then again, if i make the "correct choices", i won't be here today.

What is the last thing you would do before you die?
talk to all those whom i've cut off from my life.
talk to those i HAVEN'T cut off from my life.
and have a good meal. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------

been talking to a classmate. he's contemplating quitting school, going back to where he came from. this is one of those times when i like to say "it only takes one person to do something, and the rest will follow." two people from my class have already withdrawn!
i haven't exactly done much studying for the midyears. am not optimistic either about missing school in term 3, with the new teachers coming in. my favouritest chem knowledge has now dissipated into thin air, my maths has evaporated, and totally not touching bio. how weird, these sciences subjects are those i'm expected to perform in.

off to nurse my swollen eye. the last time this eye swelled, it only lasted half a day. now it's hitting one and one quarter day. SHIT!!

2008-06-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

1) do you wish to do this test?- no, i wanna play mario! XD

2) who is more important to you? friends or boyfriend?- friends. :)

3) who is the person i trust most?- hmm. actually after thinking about it, there's no one person i trust the most. eheheh.

4) do you think you have enough confidence?- nooooooooo!

5) do you like jay chou?- not anymore.

6) do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?- haven't seen it before but theoratically it WOULD appear! :D

7) what is your goal ?- have a job dealing with FOOD!

8) do you believe in eternity love?- eternity love? rare. but got.

9) have you broken someone's heart that he/she tried to commit suicide?- no way! :D

10) what feeling you love most?- the feeling you get after you work hard and there's results.

11) what are the requirements that you wish from your other half?- must tiao wu.

12) list out 5 best friends of yours? (no rank)- many many. :)

13) are you lame?- mentally, very.

14) what do you think is the most important thing in my life?- living the life instead of thinking about what you don't have.

15) do you love anime?- no. XD

16) describe the person who tagged me in 5 words?- singer, not-very-tall, lame, funny, retarded! haha alyba

17) should the sky be blue?- it has to be blue. if it was green, my green grass wouldn't be special anymore.

18) if time were to rewind, when will you want it to be?- there are so many moments i would want to change i could turn back time. i'd want to go to my p6 year, my sec 2 year, my sec 3 year..

19) name your favourite rockstar!- no rockstar.

20) what you want the most now?- everything to be normal again and to survive four weeks!

i shall not tag anyone. XD so nice aye? (response: aye aye captain!)

-----------------------------------------------------

sec 2 WWJD camp was certainly eye opening. more organized logistics and plenty of time with the guitar and mario. :) thought through many things, lost my head easily and found it back (lucky!), slacked and now i've got big stack work to do. went with a heavy heart, got surprised! it got better and better and by the time i left, i didn't want to go back to reality again! ><>

ok, mario time. :) MARIO FOREVER!!

ps. becca, your tag quiz thingy will be next post yea.

2008-06-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

starting time: 12.58pm
the girl who made me do this: brenda XD
name: ivy
sisters: none
brothers: one
shoe size: 6
height: 153cm ><

where do you live: kovan
favourite drinks: 100 plus, h20, pocari :)
favourite breakfast: no particular preference.

have you ever been on a plane?: yep.
swam in the ocean: i think when i was really young, in hk.
fallen asleep at school: many many times! oops.
broken someone's heart: yea XD
fell off your chair: many many times too.
sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: yea. and i fell asleep waiting.
saved e-mails: a lot! D:

what is your room like: in a horrendous mess i need to clear by tmr night for my cousin.
what's right beside you: printer and chair.
what is the last thing you ate: fruits! :D banana and kiwi and strawberry.

ever had chicken pox: yea but i can't rmb when 'cos i was too young.
sore throat: i'm having it right now!
stitches: once. heheh.
broken nose: no! :)

do you believe in love at first sight: yea.
like picnics: loooove it!
who was/were the last person/people you danced with?: zhen, liangyu and meiyi. :) spanish!
who last made you smile: :)
you last yelled at: leaders during ltc.

today did you:
talk to someone you like: yep
kissed anyone: no.
get sick: yea! it started a couple of days ago. ><
talk to an ex: no.
miss someone: yes ):
eat: a lot.. BAHH

best feeling in the world: being happy and contented and worry-less.
do you sleep with stuffed animals: either one or two. kitty and/or bella.
what's under your bed: dust.
who do you really hate: just irritated with, but don't hate.
what time is it now?: 1.09am

random:
is there a person who is on your mind now: yea.
do you have any siblings: one big bro.
do you want children: dunno. most probably no. i dunno!!
do you smile often: i smile and laugh loads. :) it's good for the soul!
do you like your hand-writing: yea. it's fat and it's me.
are your toe nails painted: nope. i NEVER paint my nails,
whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: the dairy farm bed. (aka, the floor.)
what color shirt are you wearing now: grey. odyssey of the mind.
what were you doing at 7:00 pm yesterday: doing pushups for punishment.
i can't wait till: i start mugging 'cos I DON'T WANNA FAIL!! i think.
when did you cry last: erm, yesterday. eheh. damn the heights!

are you a friendly person: too much!
do you have any pets: nope
where is the person you have feelings for right now?: who knows?!
did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: erm, i held hands with two at the same time.. heheh
do you sleep with the TV on?: no tv for me.
what are you doing right now?: this.
have you ever crawled through a window?: i don't think so.
can you handle the truth?: usually.
are you too forgiving?: yea ><
are you closer to your mother or father?: mom.
who was the last person you cried in front of?: THE one.
how many people can you say you've really loved?: dunno. many? 'cos family and friends wat.
do you eat healthy?: ya. made to.
do you still have pictures of you and your ex?: -
have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: YEA! RAWRR
if you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: i dunno.
are you loud or quiet most of the time?: depends on how i feel that day.
are you confident?: not really.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. pretending to be one of the three blind mice in the nursery rhyme.
2. cheating on tingxie.
3. dancing.
4. playing with my really old el3 organ. which has been moved away..
5. going for chinese tuition! XD

5 jobs I've had:
1. student
2. tuition teacher
3. facilitator
4. youth catechist (not same as facil right, mooman? heheh)
5. presidency! XD in sec sch. (yes, fsv in cj rejected me! WTH)

--------------------------------------------

ok that brenda's thingy aside. i'm back from ltc and i'm gonna be away again. i loved ltc and i really really miss the campus of dairy farm adventure camp. it may be devoid of comforts but i still love it all the same. :) i'm also glad i gave everything a try though on hindsight, i do think i gave up a little too easily, being overcome by fear. shudder shudder.
also got to know a lot more people. XD i love group 8! PRO PRO PRO! lizanne mario andrew joel heidi yangqing eugenia ivy karthik clement yixi tharsh! and not forgetting our facils, guanwen, mr lim and ms tan! WHO'S GONNA WIN GONNA WIN GONNA WIN! PRO GONNA WIN GONNA WIN GONNA WIN! :D

argh gotta get my butt up and moving to mug! my holidays have flown away, and i got four weeks gone in term 3, i am DEADDDDD!! D:

2008-05-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

whoohoo, back from preu sem.
i must say, i definitely got much more from it than i expected to. :D met a whole bunch of exrosythians and extkgians. :) so glad to see familiar faces. met some new friends too, even though i wasn't very sociable. XD
it was intellectually stimulating and brain-squashing. and i totally didn't get any work done - so screwed for midyears!! AHHH!! i dunno how many times i've said this, but i HAD to say it again! >< midyears, midyears, midyears.. i'm halfhearted now as to whether i should continue to try to work hard so that i can go for the trip.

on another note. i just ate four huge spoonfuls of nutella and my throat now hurts. congratulations to myself, two more camps coming up. D:

2008-05-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

saturday was fun and a great surprise! :D a song from preu sem, and a BIG surprise from yc! :D
anyway, i can't believe i was the only one who exclaimed "what the hell!" when the lights went off. and that i actually took quite a while to realize the surprise was for me. XD so blur, so so blur..
many thanks to everyone who wished me! and for all the gifts! :D many useful. and sweet. *licks book of vouchers* and those who planned the surprise! *stares at two people*

the grand prize winner for this year is..
ALVINA with a timing of 0000.15
cool no? fifteen secs past midnight. :)

ballet today was a killer. jumps. many many jumps. entrechat quatres (normal) and entrechat six (totally abnormal), jumped my butt off. and we had some theory too, on which parts of leg we use for which actions. we somehow drifted off to thigh size after that, and we found out kinwee can actually tell the type of foundation we had from the size of our thighs! >< ah, big big big fatttttt thighs..

talked to groupmate for a bit. found out she does have problems sleeping at night and stuff. hope she's better, and hope i be a better friend too. preu sem with a whole new bunch of people starts tmr. no idea whether i look forward to it. but no matter what, it's full steam ahead. i await 10 june with wide open hands.

2008-05-22T03:03:00.000-07:00

it's amazing how some teachers, who are in your school, call you while you're having your gp exam. i was swearing to myself "which psycho come prank call me again!!" when i called this person back. and imagine the look on my face when my teacher picked up the phone. D:

settled cca members. big article coming up. one whole page for myself in the book. have to do a good job if not teacher come after my head.
cannot do too badly for midyears if not exchange prog screwed. cannot do too badly for promos either if not my brain will be chopped off - too much play!

on another note, i am gonna FRY YOU IN OIL! yes some idiot went to ask another idiot for my birthday, and that idiot irritated me on the whole bus ride home. i am SO GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS! rawrr. RAWRR

why am i not studying!?

2008-05-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

i cannot flunk my midyears. i'm screwed if i do! D: serious. my life seems to be hanging on the thread that's attached to my midyear report, if i fail the string will snap.

i am really dead for term 3. God bless me. and my teachers.

2008-05-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

my class is becoming more and more disabled.

kbong injured his ankle at the pool.
nifong fractured her collarbone at judo.
i screwed my idiotic knee while running.
and now yanling has dislocated her arm.

and only two of us have recovered. (ivy: WHEE!)

meanwhile, update on classmates.

phillip: just as gay as ever, insisting he can't read a particular book on china 'cos it's too wordy and the print is too small.
marc: fell ill and missed school. cambridge.
james: muttering non-stop about random things and people.

subjects in school:

pw: finished a lengthy gpp to get back at the marker. kudos to michelle and yanling for this one.
maths: failed.
chem and bio: tentative fail. miniscule chance of passing.

yes and now i shall go sleep. before allergy reappears and bares his teeth at me.

2008-05-10T10:21:00.001-07:00

so sick of writing, suddenly.
but it's due. bahh

ARGH SHIT GPP!! YANLING!! D:

oh thank you so much, i think not everyone is as preoccupied as you, with how they smell.
i think that if you change into a good shirt, get all the sweat out, wipe down yourself, and spray just a little (and not like the whole bottle you put) on yourself, it'll do as good as a bath.

2008-05-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

chem go and die! RAWRR
bio go and die! RAWRR
gp research go and die! RAWRR
cse tutorial go and die! RAWRR
parametric equations go and die! RAWRR
chinese oral go and die! RAWRR
maths-test-that-we're-gonna-get-back, go and die! RAWRR

as you can probably tell i'm feeling sickened and irritated with schoolwork. i have two tests lined up this week, marking to do, bio notes to complete, tons of research to do, and yet i'm still unable to get myself moving! ARGH MOVE THE BUTT, MAN! D:

damn bloody chemical bonding la!! STUPID POLARITY AND SHAPES LA! WHO CARES YOU SOLUBLE IN WHAT LA! WHO CARES YOU HOW FAT LA!! DUMB MOLECULES!! STOOPID BONDING STOOPID BONDING STOOPID BONDING STOOPID BONDING STOOPID BONDING STOOPID BONDING!!

ok i feel better now. i shall start the attack on my cheena studies.

knee and eye, please get well soon! :D

2008-05-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

today going for mass at 730 and then going to beach was really fun. thanks all for coming :D am sunburnt now though. i didn't know i was THAT red until i went to bathe and realized the huge colour difference. ><
volleyball, frisbee, water, more volleyball, more frisbee.. :D

touch rugby tmr, and maybe more frisbee tmr and sat. and then ballet on sunday. hope my leg really gets properly well soon.

heheheheheheheh. :D

2008-04-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

i have been surprised, many many times, this week. let's start with school last friday, and then yc retreat, and then more school..

1. i scored okay in bio.
2. i finally realized, i never did let go, no matter how many times i think i did.
3. no more french. unless i do ado 3 - that means spending another $51 buying books. or unless i do the adult class, paying whopping $270 for 36 hours of lessons.
4. might have been kicked out of pre-u sem.
5. got invited to apply for exchange program i never expected to get in for. don't think i'll get in anyway.
6. selected as one of the leaders for interclub. big big surprise. can't they just acknowledge that i won't dedicate my time to them unless they change their way of working?
7. i failed my aq. very anal about this.
8. my teachers have sky high expectations of me. i'm a normal student, i wasn't from gep or anything.
9. big big burden pawpaw carrying inside. *hugs*

stay awake, for you never know what hour He calls.

2008-04-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

i feel very in need of tk and tk time.
ok, right now i just want to do av duty at the machine, sit at the porch, play canon in c at the piano, study at the tables, say hi to ms saffiah, have lessons in that old fuddy duddy classroom, and talk to my teachers.
gosh i miss them soo much! i wonder how they're all doing in their different schools. damai, sss, broadrick, wherever the rest went..
and of course i miss my friends! av duty mates, classmates, family, morning conversations, talking about almost everything and anything..

i'm really not looking forward to school tomorrow. in fact, i don't look forward to this week at all.

i'm not ready to be independent and i don't want to take care of someone but not give her the best i can.

2008-04-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

end of another week. time is ticking away, i am here tapping away, with no particular end goal in mind. hoho bahh bahh.
to keep my blog alive, i shall do the music thingy like brenda did. :D guess the song titles of the twenty songs (and try not to google the lyrics). think only mooman will know most of them, knowing my taste in songs. hur. i'm an authentic rockabilly!

1. i will worship, with all of my heart, and i will praise you, with all of my strength

2. hair was brown and nappy, never had no fun, i hid under a bushel, which is easier said than done

3. number one was very gay, and he built his house on hay

4. i know he rescued my soul, his blood has covered my sin

5. ariadiamus late ariadiamus daari a natus late adua

6. God is good, all the time, he put a song of praise in this heart of mine

7. ay, ay, ay, i'm your little butterfly

8. hey little girl with the cash to burn, i'll sell you something you won't return

9. don't lose your way, with each passing day

10. tale as old as time, true as it can be..

11. who am i, that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt

12. and ev'ry task you undertake, becomes a piece of cake, a lark! a spree! it's very clear to see

13. tall and tan and young and lovely the girl from ipanema goes walking

14. come stop your crying, it will be alright

15. i can hear the bells, well, don't you hear them chime?

16. once i was a selfish fool, who never understood

17. it's a long long journey till I know where i'm supposed to be

18. honey honey! honey honey!

19. above all powers, above all kings, above all nations and all created things

20. who's the leader of the club, that's made for you and me

okok, after i've finished this, i realized that all my rockabilly is upstairs. D:

2008-04-02T07:16:00.001-07:00

i'm supposed to be attacking my maths tutorial but WHATEVER LA! who cares about graphing techniques :D

my classmates are pretty fun afterall. one of them writes like i used to write all the time, backwards mirrorwise. i miss writing like that! and there are these three guys whom i usually hang out with 'cos they were in my pae class. it's freaking funny to sit next to them and listen to their conversation! marc's in editorial and has fantastic english AND he's a nerd whom i can copy homework from anytime XD and he can think of funny responses to phillip's retarded sayings. phillip is a scholar who insists he has a hostel maid and is in choir, and has lately taken to getting high on sweets. when he's high, all of us sigh. (hey it rhymes!) he starts laughing to himself nonstop and knowing how easily i laugh.. the whole table starts shaking. james is the queue cutter and the bald guy. canoeist who procrastinates like there's no tomorrow. (contradictory.)

and of course, i've been spending breaks with yc friends too :D and we've got a new studying place! the BENCH. quiet place where you can blast music. XD

but still, lessons are difficult and boring. bad combination. former tk gp teachers make life funner though. XD

2008-03-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

thank God.
prayers really do work.
maybe i could use this for tomorrow's lesson.

many things to catch up on.

2008-03-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

bahh, i am so so so lazy to finish up the bits of things waiting to be finished up. so so SO lazy.. someone please make me work a little harder! *looks upwards innocently*

anyway, someone popped the question to me a couple of days ago. "would you wanna be a mom when you grow up?" and the first answer was NOOOOOOOO!
ok kids, please don't get too agitated. i'm not gonna disown you guys.
but, think about it. being a mom would require so much selfless love, i don't even know if i could give it. and, if you don't bring your child up the correct way and they don't experience that family love that all children should, then when they grow up they might be weird and angsty.
aiya, i just don't think i'll wanna be a mom.

BAHH, i need to get my lazybum moving >< many things awaiting! (my whole table has sheets of paper everywhere. some kind of admin i am.)

2008-03-21T08:36:00.001-07:00

WHY do we have to do source based?
WHY do countries have to be feminine or masculine?

yes i'm stuck on homework, this sucks! being the homework ocd i'm not happy till every single blank is filled up!

2008-03-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

bahh, so tired by ballet today. legs ached (and are aching) like crazy. it's pretty weird for a day when we did mostly fundamental stuff. nothing much scary or tough except for onehalf turns and double turns.
been catching up with some friends i haven't talked to in ages. :D it was pretty good to find out more about what they were doing now. and i met another old lost friend at maplewood yesterday! XD

i need to buy a new leotard and tights, anyone wanna follow me to golden landmark? D: my fats have been shifting places ):

flyin through the nightf
loating on a wind
to the city lights
night birds
with the love they bring

2008-03-15T07:40:00.000-07:00

good news today, i passed my french test! :D but i was kinda shocked so the grade didn't really register and i'm not sure if i heard the correct thing. it's just totally unexpected :) read on and you'll find out why.

the only part of the comprehension passage i understood was the "i'm in love with a boy, what do i do?" and each of the truefalse questions for that passage was worth 4 bloody marks.
i forgot two out of my five questions for tenses and grammar.
the most disastrous - my book review. i stupidly went to do a book that i really read, and it was a book from the french library -_- AND, i didn't know half the words to describe the plot. most of my classmates did a book they liked instead. see the difference?

ok, that good news and the fact that i got some exercise today makes me really happy. :D yay muscles and back! GOOD BYE FLAB!

ps. organized my links so it's easier for you all to figure who's from where.

edit//
i've got too many links.

2008-03-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

hoho i'm back! :)

friday i had stations with the rest of the wyd people in CAYC. it was real good. kudos to those in the IHM contingent who took the time to organize it! the music was great and we had clips from the passion of christ for every station. i couldn't watch the one where Jesus's hands and feet were nailed, it was too wrenching >< i saw fr bee too! :D

saturday i had french oral, and i was coughing like some nutter. three minutes speech on a subject and i think i spent half the time coughing. didn't make so much sense either as my topic was "what's a good weekend for you" and i didn't know how to describe some stuff. sunday school became "l'ecole dimanche". i am oh so screwed. combine the disastrous coughing oral with the totally misunderstood written test, i'm not gonna get a cert.
camp at night. fr luke's talk rocked! i'll never forget him talking about how we're all destined to be saints, and gene comes in and says he doesn't think he wants to be a saint. :D it doesn't sound funny here, but if you were there it would be! even though you're not a catholic XD roy's talk followed but the environment wasn't so much like last year's. hmm.

sunday was camp and hanging around, then ballet! liangyu pulled something in her back and she's got a performance on friday. hope she gets well soon! i was supposed to go and watch but yea, i'm not. bahh. i remember my back pull from the other time and man it SUCKED! i couldn't even SIT without pain. anyway, at night i went back to camp and we watched a movie on the pope and his pre-papacy life. i liked it a lot though my lenses wanted to pop out.

monday cleaned up and chilled for a while before finally ploughing through my work. D:
tuesday, today.
pawpaw went to extract her last three teeth on the lower jaw excluding wisdom teeth. so we're getting extra soft food for her (: tomorrow maurice's gonna have his four wisdom teeth out! heheh, i wanna know if full anaesthetia is worth it. HEHEHE.

history repeats itself. everywhere.

2008-03-08T01:21:00.000-08:00

so so so pissed at my group. delaying my work till tuesday. and guess why?

because "i'm doing my other projects right now and can't send the information over."

what kind of excuse is that?!?! it's just clicking a button damnit!

oh please, please, not another one. PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP.

the thankyou will appear here when i find out more and it isn't.