Sunday, September 03, 2006 @7:32 AM
this is going to be another "i-wanna-bash-myself" posts. if you don't want to read, it's ok.
asdlfja;sdjfa;klsfj! BAHH. i'm so pissed at myself. i hate myself for always losing my temper at the person i appreciate the most within my family. i hate being short tempered at her, for never thanking her for all that she's done for me. i only realized how much i appreciated her presence around me when last night, while waiting up for her, i got all worried. how would i cope without her?even ballet was such a fiasco today. can't even do echappes at centre. what kind of crap and nonsense is that?! and most of my movements were off balance.. plus today's the last lesson of the term. the new arrangement starts next next week. i'm so gonna miss all the rest of the school.. especially ballet 2. every time i come early for lesson, i see them dancing, i really wanna join them. to see them being taught by kuolaoshi, who smiles all the time, makes stupid jokes (that causes laughter, nevertheless) and teaches them so well. she's going overseas.. and i think i'll miss her a lot. she was always there to help. especially for my back and knee and whatever part i have injured. i'm not exactly looking forward to having class with the advanced class, 'cos i know i'm too lousy. i've always had a weak foundation. my ballet world is gonna crumble sooner or later if i don't work on the foundations now. i don't know what to do la.exam coming up! today was another dao-mei day to practice. can't even play celebration properly. maybe it was because of my mood yesterday.. i was so darned angry and frustrated and pissed that it really hurt inside. and i wanted to do something! but i couldn't. 'cos i made a promise to God, i promised him i wouldn't do it until at least my organ exam was over. how i wish i could do it. now.BAHH.
