Wednesday, March 24, 2010 @6:38 AM
wahlau.
you ask me what time i gotta be there, so i said 1145am, then maybe i'll be dropping by church before that, then you come and ask me how come i don't need to work, so i say that going in and out and in and out is very troublesome, and then you snap at me for saying that going in and out thing and you say that you were just concerned about my schedule and you had asked me if i had to work after btt, and i went on saying all that in/out stuff.
if you don't use your ears, i'm not gonna be able to be nice and patient with you because you're not even trying. if you would even put some effort into reading that dumb timetable i put up on your board for you, you would already know a lot of things. its not like i take away that schedule from your board. its like there, 24/7 for you to read. if you choose not to read it, i'm sorry i can't do anything to teleport my schedule into your mind. i could very well take it away now and throw it away and you really won't know anything about what i'm doing everyday.
you know how much i wish to bum, for a bit? at least when i was doing the morning job, i could have my afternoons off with my friends. with this afternoon one now, the job's not so bad, but i don't get to go out with my friends anymore. who wants to watch a movie at 9am in the morning? and all my evenings are being taken up by tuition slots and there was only one pathetic slot left this week for evening mass. one miserable slot. and you actually rubbed it in (even though it was unintentional, i choose to believe) that you'd rather i was busy than bumming.
well if you yourself would rather be busy than face up to what you're really feeling and you'd want your entire family to be like that too then i'm sorry but i can't be like that. alright? i've had 18 years of keeping everything inside instead of ever voicing my opinions and views or facing my emotions and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of it always taking its toll on the people around me, especially those who have done me no wrong. i'm sick of feeling so angsty and unhappy all the time. if you don't feel that way i applaud you for being a superhuman.
besides, what my friend said last night was really true. which other time of your life would you get to bum like this?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @10:04 PM
life's been okay, with its little blessings in between. but there is this one thing i've really gotta rant about and its been bugging me ever since tuesday.
i don't understand, is being self-centred a thing that just comes with you? is it something you've always been taught, to look out for your feelings and to achieve your goals at the cost of everyone else's? to always assume that everyone's out to get you and that you've gotta defend yourself at the cost of everyone else?
is it really that difficult to take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture? the consequences of your action on others instead of only yourself and her? to look at the effects of your decision on the rest of your family?
i just really want you to know that you should just think before you speak, think before you do anything, try and look at the big picture, realize the domino effects of your actions on our own actions before you do anything, and at least weigh the pros and cons of your decision before you make it.
i just hope the one pro i can come up with for your decision this time can help you realize that life's not as cheery and easy as you think it is. the world is not out to get you but the world does have difficulties in their own way. i hate to say this but just stop being a pessimist and start thinking good things about other people and events that happen. just try to stop being narrowminded. i can tell when you even just try.
