Friday, February 29, 2008 @4:20 AM
wtf i am damn pissed with you right now.
what the hell do you think you're doing? you aren't even giving me a chance. i don't mind that you don't want me to get in, but i mind how you do it. you don't even give me a chance to try and get into the team and you shut me out. 22 people are in it already, you think one specialized audition will do it for me? i'll get in, become one of them and i'll be happy? i'm sore now, yes i'm really sore. i'm even more so than after my first audition. wanna know why? i don't have the satisfaction of knowing that I TRIED. i didn't bloody fucking try.
well from my short-sighted point of view let's just say that you really really want me to go for your cip ccas. i don't mind doing cip, i don't mind service, i don't mind hard labour. but i don't want to do it for someone who doesn't let me try for other things first, who wants one of my saturdays every month just for himself. i don't want to be any president of whatever. i just want to do something my mom wants.
and then that. camp. i'm not going to go there, play orientation games, choke on starch and die, right? what's the use of keeping me away? you're just gonna make me feel all miserable at home, and make me work my ass off again. and THEN, i'm gonna fall sick again, make mom worried all over again and the whole cycle repeats. what's the freaking use? i'm not gonna learn how to balance my life properly. all i'm gonna learn is the fastest way to burn out. you want me to learn that? there's nothing to balance if i'm not going for yc, if i'm not going for my classes. there's only one end of the balance - school. why don't you TELL ME if you want me to quit? why don't you tell me if you want me to give up the balance and give up learning?
oh man. right now you suck so much and i'm so irritated with you, i just wanna destroy your temple. i feel like punching you and telling how disappointed and sad i am that you're always using those around me. you used her so bad ok. you made her suffer so much, so just that tonight you can make me tell me "this is from experience"? you made her go through so much pain, and give up so many things and experiences, so that tonight she can tell me "take care of yourself"?
i know to people who understand who this is to, this sounds like the most short-sighted and stupid posts ever. yes, i'm just focusing on whatever's happening NOW NOW NOW. i don't give a bloody damn about anything else for now. just let me sort myself back out and figure out what to save my asshole jc life.
but right now, in my life, YOU SUCK. full time.
edit://i've calmed down.
and, i'm sorry.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008 @10:30 PM
well onto the road of recovery. (:
YAY!
Thursday, February 21, 2008 @5:39 AM
hey guys, i'm sorry i'm not in the same school as any of you all again.. not in tj, not in vj, still in cj..
just wanna let you all know, i miss you guys a lot! ): and i'm sorry too my schedule always clashes with all of yours and you guys ALWAYS have to make adjustments just for me.. ><
how i wish i could be a good friend.
instead of being the shitty one i am right now.
weird guys and insomnia sucks.
Monday, February 18, 2008 @7:22 AM
attempting dumbass bio tutorial now.
lost my temper again today.
lagging behind, once more.
on the positive side, i made a couple more friends today. (:
thank you all for the wonderful sunday. L must be the cutest guy on earth.
Saturday, February 16, 2008 @8:35 AM
i'm really tired. lucky bus naps do work their magic as long as i can wake up in time. (:
going out tomorrow with tk friends! YAY, like finally! haven't seen most of you guys since we got back our results. and posting's gonna be out in a couple of days.. wonder if any tkgians will be going to cj. >< i'm so out of touch with tk! ):
aching everywhere. legs, back, hands. i need to sleep on those xi'an beds to fix my back. yoko yoko AND the gel thingy i used before isn't helping my aching legs! how to dance tmr?! ): salonpas doesn't help either. argh i'm so dead. SOOO DEAD! and monday there's physical conditioning again! oh man, the price i pay.
i just realized, my gel thingy alr expired. in dec 07. oops. [actually, not that surprising. i got it in early 06 when i pulled a back muskcle.] need to get a new spraycan or tube or bottle of those ache removing thingys.
all hail the bed. off to rest and relax my aching body.
Friday, February 08, 2008 @7:03 PM
what are you doing now?
i am sad. ): ache-y sad.
